By Daniel Pekker
(Middle School One Acts for Drama Class)
Setting: Non-descript auditorium
Time: Present Day. Story elapses 30-60 min.
Character List:
- Alexei: 46, Russian, has accent, not talkative, married to
Susan
-Susan: 44, American, talkative, always scolding Alexei,
likes plays, dislike delays, married to Alexei
- Jeff: 33, American, father of Felix, brought Felix to play
for “bonding”, feels awkward when talking to Felix
-Felix: 16, American, son of Jeff, stereotypical teenager,
likes baseball, dislikes dad
-Death: age unknown, came to play on day off from work, in
dark cloak and masked face
-Announcer: Offstage, by accident knocks out power in auditorium
Props:
- 10 chairs
-Large Potted Office Plant
-Scythe: held by Death
-Cellphone: used by Felix
-2 Play guides: Read
by Susan and Jeff
Dialog:
(Curtains open)
(Opening Setting:
Chairs in 5 columns, two rows; Stage lights are as bright as office lights;
potted plant is in the corner of the stage near steps, showing where characters
enter the auditorium)
(Alexei and Susan
enter)
Susan:
Finally! We barely made it! (starts searching for seats)
Alexei:
(Tired) There’s still 30 minutes left.
Susan:
(Ignores Alexei’s
comment) Quick, before all the good seats are taken! (drags Alexei to middle of front row of chairs)
Alexei:
(deep sigh)
Susan:
(Reading play guide)
I love this play! Back when I was a little girl, I had the main role in it. (daydreamy look on face) I was so famous.
(continued on next page)
Could’ve become a star! (snaps out of it) But then I woke up. (looks back at guide) Hey, look! Isn’t (squints) Dra… Dragamui… Dragi… (shakes head) this guy your dentist? (shows Alexei guide)
Alexei:
(sighs, tired)
Just because his name is long and sounds Russian doesn’t mean I know him.
Susan:
Really I’m pretty sure he’s your dentist.
Alexei: (deep sigh)
(Jeff and Felix walk
in, Felix is texting on cell-phone)
Jeff:
Well, we’re here!
Felix:
(doesn’t stop texting,
sarcastic) Whoop-de-doo. (irritated)
I don’t see why we even have to go to this stupid show. Who even goes to plays
these days, anyway? I watch everything online.
Jeff:
C’mon! Some father to son bonding time! Y’know! (pretending to be “cool”) I heard it’s
the thing nowadays! Radical!
Felix:
(Looks up from phone)
Dad, nobody says “radical” anymore. (sighs)
Let’s find a seat. I’m tired of standing. (Walks
over to edge of front row, sits, and continues texting, Jeff follows and sits
next to him)
Jeff:
(looking at guide,
suddenly excited) It says here there’s a soundtrack from Queen! (looks at Felix) That’s still cool,
right?
Felix:
(looks at Jeff,
confused) Who? A queen will be singing?
Jeff:
(horrified look on
face) Ah… (sigh) never mind.
Susan:
(looks disapprovingly
at Felix, then whispers to Alexei) We are never having a kid! The rotten
teenagers are the worst!
Alexei: (nods)
(Suddenly, lights dim,
eerie music and evil laugh in background, Death enters, spotlight points at it,
dramatically enters, waving scythe, walks over to and sits at last seat in
front row, next to Susan, all characters stare with horror at Death, Susan
tries to push own chair away from Death, music and SFX abruptly stop
simultaneously with lights turning back on)
Death:
(humorous tone)
You guys should see your faces! You look like you saw a ghost! Get it? Ghost? (starts to hysterically laugh as other
characters exchange glances, abruptly stops laughing, serious) I’m messing
with you guys. It’s my day off.
Announcer:
Ladies and Gentlemen! We would like to inform you that we
will be beginning the production early since you were the only ones to buy
tickets.
Susan:
(forgets about Death,
extremely excited) Ohmagash! Finally! Alexei! You better pay attention, or
else forget about dinner tonight. I will quiz you after the show!
Alexei:
(groans)
Felix:
(shakes head,
continues texting)
Announcer:
And now, we would like to present the… (voice fades, pause) …hmm, strange. We appear to have some technical
problems. The lights won’t work. Hmm. How about this button- (lights suddenly
dim, electricity SFX, Announcer is cut off)
Susan:
(apoplectic) WHAT?!
THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! I WANT MY SHOW! I PAID FIVE WHOLE DOLLARS! YOU WILL HEAR
FROM MY LAWYER!
Alexei:
(Trying to quiet Susan)
Honey, please sit down. You’re causing a scene.
Susan:
(Still angry) THIS
SCENE REPLACES THE SCENE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE SEEING RIGHT NOW! I WANT TO SEE
THE DIRECTOR! OR THE ANOUNCER! (now
seemingly insane) I WANT BLOOD!
Death:
(relaxed) Way
ahead of you. I already have an appointment with them both in about a week.
Felix:
I would stick around to hear more of this fun conversation,
but I have a test to fail tomorrow. (motioning
towards Jeff) Let’s go.
Jeff:
But the show will start any moment, as soon as they fix the
problem.
Susan:
(sits down, starts
pouting) You wish.
Felix:
(whispering to Jeff)
The Giants have a game today. I don’t want to miss it.
Jeff:
(sighs) Fine. But no
texting on the ride back home. We’ll actually talk.
Felix:
Why?
Jeff:
(sarcastic) I know
it’s hard to believe, but some people talk… for recreation.
Felix:
Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Let’s go.
(Felix and Jeff exit)
Alexei:
(hopeful to go home)
Hm. Hardly anyone here. Seems like the show won’t start. We might as well leave
now.
Susan:
(stands up) You
know what? For once, you’re right. This show isn’t worth my time. Let’s go to
another theater. (stands up)
Alexei:
(sighs) Okay.
(Susan exits with
Alexei shuffling close behind)
Death:
(to itself) This
was way easier than I expected. (yelling
to side) Hey, they left! Start the show! (pause) Hey! Darn. Not again. (claps
twice) (saying spell) Revive. (to self) I have got to stop killing
people by accident. (electricity SFX,
lights brighten)
Announcer:
(to self) That was
some shock, huh. (loud) Thank you for
your patience. Remember our deal. Three extra years!
Death:
(loud) Yep! (To self, quiet) More like three weeks. (chuckles)
Announcer:
And now, we present to you, our production!
(curtains close)
